Chaz is Empty in: The Night

The Night

The night has become

Useless for me to sleep

I slowly walk around our

Home looking for traces

Of you

I stand by the fireplace and

Ask if you want me to

Start a fire and all I hear is

The wind outside

I slouch down into the purple

Chair and I squint to see if any

Shadows of you are in the

Kitchen calling out to me

Asking if I see the woodpecker or

The cardinal in the feeder

But I can only imagine your

Beautiful face smiling at me

While you make tea

The night has become useless for

Me as I am hopelessly adrift in the

Space between your leaving and

Then returning to my arms

For a few days I can remember your

Intimacy with me but now I am losing ground to forgetting how you move and forgetting how you speak and forgetting how you twirl your hair

Yes even in our cool blue bedroom

That you love so much the night is useless to me and just last night I no longer could hear the birds & the geese and the crickets sing my

Heart was too far away and even this

Room seemed useless to me

I stare at calendars and clocks and quietly watch as the hours pass until

You return and I walk by the cactus in

Our hallway and promise you will be

Home in just a few days

Charles Grimes

Mazes, Mandalas, and Flowers

I love Lynne's richly textured, colorful and imaginative textile art over at her site.  Check it out . . .

Lado

The Annual Croatian Night in Anacortes again.  Salmon, pivo, lots of music and traditional dancers.  This year's performances included a suite of music and dance  "celebrating spring with propitiation to Lado -- a deity predating Christianity.  The songs ask for green and fertile fields, healthy youth, and harmony in the villages."

Very cool.

Happy Vernal Equinox

Once again we're on the winning team.

Om Shanti Om.

Miracle in Africa: baby eva 6 days old

Here is a photo of our lovely granddaughter Eva at 6 days old . . . Melanie

Olivia Took this

From Chaz: Baby Eva Grimes

Subject: Baby Eva

 . . . Liz gave birth Monday night to a beautiful baby girl named Eva. She weighed in at 7.7 pounds. We were given a ride home in an ambulance Thursday evening and are quietly resting at home today. Baby Eva seems very happy to be home and slept wonderfully last night only waking occasionally to eat and change a dirty diaper. She has been sleeping again most of the day today and we have had a steady stream of visitors coming in and out to greet the new baby. Anyways, what you have all been waiting for is finally here, more pictures! We can't wait to introduce Eva to all of you.

Love,

Ben, Liz and Eva

A New Story

from Chaz:  What am I afraid of

Part One

Directly speaking I am afraid

Of you and me

I am afraid of this tilted and elliptical

Sphere of earth that is spinning

Out in the middle of the universe

With little care for the intensity of

My life while I do my best to make

My way through the bouts with

The living and the dead and the red

I am afraid of the dark and I am afraid

Of being rejected by women who I can't

Stop being in love with

I am afraid of walking across the street or

Driving my car into town

I am afraid of tonight and tomorrow and

Then I start to worry about next week

Or taking a trip to Africa or of being a

Grandfather or worrying that someone

I know might die or getting the phone call

That your son has been shot at and he better

Not be pulling some shit by calling you late

At night and then you find out he was right

And then you get afraid about that more

And before you know it you are afraid of

The kids down the street and their big dog

Or the big angry kid who throws rocks at

You when you walk by his house right before

Suppertime and you have lots of food at home

And parents who care what time you eat your

Dinner but his Dad works the late shift and his

Mom died a slow death lying on the couch at home

Smoking and drinking and watching game shows

Yeah the kid threw rocks at you while you walked

By on your way home where your mom wanted to

Know what kept you late and his house was dark

And his father couldn't be home to turn the lights on

Yeah he threw rocks at you and he was angry and

You were afraid of him but you also felt sorry for

Him and you didn't run by too fast because you

Wanted him to have a target to feel good about something

But he was kind of a lousy shot and you never

Got hit by the rocks but you got hit with your mother

Wanting to know what's up little boy

But you don't know what 's up so you say

I don't know and she looks at you and nods her

Head and says may the world be kind to this

Little kid because he's going to need some help

But I smile inside because I know something the

Angry big kid down the street doesn't

But then you find you are afraid of people who

Are angry at you or people who expect too much

From you or then you are afraid to go to the mail

Box because someone will be suing you or the tax

Man wants something more from you and you

Have given all you can and you need some rest but

Life keeps on taking and then you say I'm not afraid

Any more and I can accept this pain and this works for

A while until you work your pain down some more and

You find there is more you are afraid of at every level

You can Om and Om and Om and explain to people you

Are a vessel for light and you are useless in this life for

Anything else but they just tell you to get something to

Eat and get a good night's sleep and all will be better

You wake up in the morning and in an hour you have

The police surrounding you and they have computers

And maps and guns and radios and they want some

Explanations and you stumble for words but you are

White so everything is ok and while you drift back to

Your car and you remember how afraid of the police

You were as a kid and how you brought home three police

Cars and your dad was a traffic judge or maybe some other

Kind of judge but you were afraid they were going to take your

License away and then you are afraid of your dad who goes

To court with you and he tells the judge you are afraid of to

"Throw the book at the kid."

And then you are afraid that you'll never see your girl friend

Ever again because the judge you are afraid of took your license

And then you do see her again and then everything is

Wonderful but you are afraid to tell her parents you have to walk

Home and home is 21 miles away and then you find yourself

Walking home in the very dark night and you are afraid and then you

Are afraid again because no cars are coming by and then after a

Few hours a guy stops who is trying to find a lake to go fishing

In and you lie to him and tell him you know where the lake is

And now conviently the way to the lake goes by your parent's

House and then you are afraid that the fisherman realizes

You are a big liar and you are afraid he will do something crazy

To you but it doesn't matter because you are almost home anyway

And you are afraid that you are so tired that you couldn't defend yourself

So you say let me out of the car and just take a right up the hill

And you'll find the lake and then you are afraid of him turning the car around and

Following you to yell at my parents for having such a liar as a kid

But he drives off and you run home

And it's 4am and I'm afraid of what to tell my parents and I'm afraid if

I don't have a good reason for coming home at 4am I will be afraid of what

Comes next so I let my fear get a hold of my brain and I try and sneak in

The basement and I'm afraid that my father is going to catch me and I was

Right he caught me and then I had to be afraid of what he was going to do

God I need a rest

Charles Grimes

Seattle First Annual Balkans Night

Julia and I went to Seattle last night for the first annual night of Balkans music at the Russian Center on Capitol Hill.  There were about 15 different bands.  In the main room, the bands were bigger tending towards Macedonia or Bulgarian music.  Huge folk dancing crowd there.  Lively music and all sorts of colorful costumes.  In the smaller "kafana,"  smaller groups, fewer instruments, lots of Croatian music there.   Sljivovica, wine, goat's cheese, olives, figs, bread, sausage. 

My favorite music was made between the main acts, on the dance floor, by a woman playing a large drum and a man playing a goatskin bagpipe-type instrument.  Loved it. 

And Julia got to practice some of her folk-dancing.

Sheridan

Tim's place of employment -- the Sheridan Press -- gets some kind words from the Paris Review.

http://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2012/03/01/on-press-with-the-paris-review/

Prophecy or ???

I write to Slavko:

"Last night I dreamt that all of old town Milna had been demolished and replaced with a huge concrete shopping mall.  What a nightmare!!!!"  Slavko promptly replies:  "Got the explanation of your dream, there's a dozen of Caterpillars working in Milna this season, right now, so it's contrary, instead of demolishing, the building is going on. Back road, sewage system, new catamaran stop, fish factory, shipyard, some apartments building... Nada wouldn't mind if your dream comes true!!!"