But No Eurydice

I have spent the last couple of days crawling on my stomach beneath my house trying to repair my water well system.  It's been rapid cycling and noisy for some time now (the water system, not my stomach) and I figured I oughta try to do something about it.  So, striving for the Stoic ideal,  I would gear up - dust mask, coveralls taped tight at the ankles to keep out vermin,  snug cap,  good light -  crawl through the small opening to the underworld, and  squirm along until I got to the water system.  Then I would shine my light on it, try to trace tank, pipes, gauges, valves, and figuratively scratch my head.  Crawl out and scratch my head some more.  Go back in.  Back out.  Went to the hardware store and bought some tools, an air pressure gauge and an electric circuit tester, and did it all again.   Finally today, I figured out that the bladder itself inside the water tank was shot, gave up,  and called the pro's.  Heck, they had the entire old system out and the new one installed in about the same time it would take me to get my coveralls on, smoke a cigar, and ponder on things.   I am sure there is something to be learned here but I can almost guarantee that they considered neither Cerberus nor Eurydice while I had my eyes open the whole time just on the off chance.  Still, it's good to have it fixed.

Eason_One_Year

from Catherine

Huh?

So -- ignoring the "shame" aspect --  Charles raises an interesting point.  I wonder how does Krishnamurti's "enlightenment" differ from Stoicism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism) or, for that matter, from the Western ideal of the taciturn individual evidenced in the personae of, say, John Wayne, in the Shootist and other flicks?????  Anybody got an idea????

Chaz Writes: "Shame . . ."

Shame

I have a great pain in my stomach tonight.  I know this pain has nothing to do with my physical health.  This pain is from the depth of my shame.  From deep down in the basement of my soul.

As a very small child I became aware that my mother's health was compromised by having children.  I knew that I was healthy and strong but my mother was suffering by bringing me into life.  I became dreadfully shamed by this.  I denied my mother's health problems and forced myself to be fun and positive in order to ease the deep down shame of feeling that I was slowly destroying my mother's health.  If I had accepted the pain of this shame about my mother I would have been overwhelmed by shame and without the ability to function.  Or though I thought as a small child. Whenever I touched the nerve about my mother's health it would paralyze me so I just developed a denial mechanism.  Denial was easier for me to comprehend.   I had taken responsibility for my mother's health and I had no one to tell me anything different.  I needed someone to tell me that I was wrong but there was no one to talk to but myself.

As I started school I began to wet the bed as a six year old.  I hadn't wet the bed much as a small child and my father used to say what a trooper I was for not causing extra work for my mother by not wetting the bed.  It's funny but my father acknowledging my strength meant a great deal to me.  I wanted to be a warrior.  I guess starting school was stressful for me and one night I awoke with the knowledge that I had wet the bed.  I was so ashamed that I lay in the bed with complete bewilderment.  What was I going to do I couldn't let anyone know because I would be making my mother work hard.  I also knew that I would be stigmatized for being a bed wetter.  I would be shamed.

I got an idea lying there and I ran to the bathroom and grabbed my sister's hairdryer and spent an hour blow-drying the wet pea dry so no one would know about my shame.  I covered up and I have been covering up my shame ever since.  I have become very good
at covering up my shame.  For most of my life the outside world would hardly have seen my pain.  I was the emperor of denial.  But as I grow older the shame won't stay put.  It wants out.  My shame wants to be freed so that I can learn to accept myself and accept reality for what it is.  I heard recently that Krisnamurti was never bothered by what happened.  Good or bad he accepted reality for what it was and acknowledged the bad as equally important as the good.  He would welcome the bad as a guest just as he made a place for the good.

When I heard this I decided that I needed to make changes in how I accepted reality.  I needed to stop denying the bad and accepting the good.  I decided that I too needed to learn how to not be bothered by the bad news.  Stop being ashamed of the bad.  It is not a reflection of my shortcomings, or my flaws that I am experiencing hardship.  Hardships are part of life and not a finger pointed at me for being weak.  Hardships are just a part of reality.  I have to welcome hardships and pain at my table.  I have to push through the pain of my shameful behavior and stop the suffering I am committing against myself for being ashamed.  I have to accept myself and accept reality for what it is and stop allowing my ego to put a spin on what is so that I don't have to understand the suffering I am causing myself and those around me.

Tonight I have a great pain in my stomach because another wave of shame is surfacing.  I have a list of phone calls to make, people to tell I can't make them happy and as I accept this as the truth my stomach is writhing in pain.  I am doubled over and can barely walk across the room and I still am trying to not let the pain out.  I sit in the dark and hope the pain goes away but I know I have to let go of this pain.  It is too powerful and it wants to be released.  I have so many people to work things out with but I need to start with myself.  Somehow if I can let go of the idea that I was responsible for my mother maybe the pain will go away.  If I can let go of the shame I have when the bad comes, if I can stop denying reality and just accept.  Will this make the pain go away?  I am alone with this pain and I live in fear.  I am a suffering Buddha and I need to let the suffering sit with me just as I thrive with the good.  I look above for strength and I look within for guidance.  Hare Krishna.

vela luka- 2

Annual Vela Luka night in Anacortes

Great music and singing, juicy salmon, wine, baklava, lots of fun . . .

Spring Photo Klis

Wow!  now here's a great for Spring photo of the old stronghold at Klis above Split.  Romans, Croatians, Turks all have held it.  A big complex high on the mountain side guarding a pass over the Dineric Alps from the inland to Solona and Split.  Slavko took us there a couple of seasons ago and we took Eliot and Kyra. 

Split is the peninsula at the top.

Be sure to enlarge it for viewing:

http://hung.posterous.com/klis-croatia

Slavko Sez: Some Bad news and Some Good News

A great friend and neighbor, Slavko went up to check our little house in Milna yesterday.  Everything looks good (including some handsome tile work on the main floor) EXCEPT the back upstairs room is a water-damaged disaster!!  I foresee more roof work this year. 

Slavko sweetened the message with a number of lovely neighbor picts, including our peach tree in blossom and a waving balcony.

Slavko Sez: Korea is Gone

One sad news: Korean died! I sure can tell you that I miss that guy, and God, do I regret now one thing. He's been sitting on the bench near by where I worked shortly before his death, and I gave him a few coins I had in pocket. And right after it I felt so sorry I couldn't find some more, feeling bad about it for a few days. Sure enough, he passed away soon after. It shouldn't been the way I saw him last time.

Slavko

(Photo by Pavle at http://www.pticica.com/korisnici/pavle?stranica=2

Tim Sez: Crazy Dogs

Only ten more blocks to walk

Yes, I am strolling to my hotel / 25 blocks

Tim Sez: Naked Man, NYC, St. Patrick's Day 2010

'nuff said.  'nuff said.


(click on photo to enlarge, if you dare.)

Bonked in AR

Here's a screenshot of me getting bonked by a cannonball in an augmented reality game on the web!

(Click on picture for a closer view.)

Skagit Valley, Spring is Coming!

A view of a field next to my folks place . . .

Julia Helps Remember Srebenica

This month and next Julia is helping display the "Srebrenica Quilt" here in Skagit County and down in Seattle.  The quilt was made by Bosnian women in remembrance of the 8,000 men and boys murdered in Srebenica by Serbian forces during the recent war.  You can see more about it here.  Julia will also be participating in the annual 4-day memorial march in Bosnia this July.

Lynne Sez: ElectricQuilt.com

thought you might enjoy these albums,  I am working on a fibonnaci like series quilt now . . .

http://www.electricquilt.com/Albums/06/0608/0608p1.asp

Spencer: First Day at SxSWi !!!!!

Lynne Sez: Mysteries in Yarn

mandalas, labyrinths, kaleidoscope images, are some of the images I have been exploring in various media the past 2 months, here is one of my experiments . . . looks like 2d barcode in color . . . 

Tim Sez: Just one word. QR, Son.

Here's a photo of Tim posing cool by his really, really big QR 2-D code.  As Tim describes it: "a photograph of me by my big tag that resolves to one of the flash-based digital magazines we created." Very cool. Nice wall art too.

(Is that how he dresses at work????????)

Chaz Update

So, this morning I am in the men's room and a salesman, from the newly formed insurance company down the hall, comes up to me and asks I understand you just moved here from Seattle. I said yes and he responds "What the hell are you thinking about son?  This is f------g Michigan.  Seattle is where a person from Detroit dreams of living..."  I smiled and muttered something about a job and how I actually liked it here and he walked off thinking it takes all kinds to make the world go around.

QR (thx Tim)

So this travelling salesman walks into a bar . . .

Slavko: Pticica (little bird)

http://www.pticica.com/korisnici/pavle


Hi John,

Here you can check on some good photos from Milna, the man is Pavle,
from the small shop next to Fjaka cafe!

(Ed.: Right on the waterfront in Milna)

Melanie Sez 'Whoa!!!!"

"Notes from the Outback"

The snow has all but melted and I remember now that grass once grew by the side of these streets. I had forgotten that the world was not always black and white, with flat horizontal surfaces pock marked with hollow footsteps. The way that water finds a level is the way the snow fills in the uneven spaces and makes an even plane, a glistening sparkling plane, a frozen ocean of flat despair. An even playing field for all to suffer, save the dogs who mark their turf and bound, tails wagging, leaving uneven gaps in the crust.

Collective Unconscious

Prince Spring Son's Beloved

Our neighbor "HANK" (1943 - 2010)

Henry L. Clark "Hank", age 66, a long time resident of Alger, passed away in Lake Havasu City, AZ, on February 12, 2010.

He was born to Chester I. and Ivy (Taplin) Clark on March 13, 1943 in Downsville, Wisconsin.

Hank was a log truck driver for Bob Hillier, enjoyed woodworking and camping and having just retired, he became a snowbird in Arizona.

In the world of fairy-tales by Ivana Brlic-Mazuranic

time: 12.4.2010. - 18.4.2010.

place: Slavonski Brod, Croatia

url: http://www.usvijetubajki.org/

 In the world of fairy-tales by Ivana Brlic-Mazuranic is a festival completely devoted to 'the Slavic Tolkien' Ivana Brlic Mazuranic which is set to take place in her birth place of Slavonski Brod in Eastern Croatia. During the festival's days the town will be governed by children, and the mayor of Slavonski Brod handed them symbolically the town keys.

Ivana Brlic Mazuranic, a Croatian authoress who wrote some of the most beautiful children’s fairytales, spent a part of her life in Slavonski Brod. And every year the citizens of this town celebrate her birthday and enjoy the opportunity to abandon themselves to exuberant imagination. For a full week the entire town becomes the venue of children’s encounters and events such as literary, theatrical, art and photo workshops.

This children’s gathering begins with a play taking place at Ivana Square, right in front of the house where their famous citizen used to live. It ends with the returning of the town keys to the mayor and a formal production in the Ivana Brlić Mazuranic Primary School, a school known as the “colorful school” in Croatia due to the fact that it is painted with characters from Ivana’s fairytales on the inside and the outside.

For more detailed programme, please click

(article copied from www.culturenet.hr )

(image taken from http://www.usvijetubajki.org/)

Annual Get-Together

Almir (our friend in Sarajevo) looking good with his daughter, Katrina on their annual get together in Pula this year. 

Eason at His 1st Birthday Party

Winthrop sunny day- davis lake

Health from Chaz

so does it make you crazy getting suggestions for your health from me.... 

i could just shut up but i have been going through the same problems

and maybe something i throw out there might help

i still think becoming a bicycle racer would be good for you

the girls really go for the tight outfits

and the flashy colored helmets and shoes

and think of the cigars and champagne at the end of the races

especially if you race in italy

you could start training for triathlons in croatia and advertise

your painting studio sales office on your jersey

i gotta get back to working on prying loose 9 buildings from the portfolio of a mega goliath 

worth 30 billion...  while i am debating spending $5.00 or $6.00 for lunch new york life is swallowing 

whole companies.  Seems like a fair fight.  

Charles

FWD:

While in ann arbor

FWD:

Almost spring in the valley

In the Swim

Foreground, the nine building complex Charles is trying to swing.
At the top is the building where he has his office.