Pain and the Artist
I once believed that I could produce art by being witty, humorous and opaque. I was an inscrutable voyeur who could make art out of anything if I just put enough paint on it.
But I was wrong. Art is about your pain. For years I was able to sidestep my own personal pain, making fun of it and went forward making forgettable work.
What I have learned is that I am a better artist when I stand up against my pain. Being human is to be surrounded by pain. Pain wraps about us like a thick blanket separating us from our spirit. Pain blinds us from each other. And when we cannot find words to describe our pain our lives are brought to an emotional standstill.
The days when I fear my pain the most are the days that I can dig down into the numbing aching emotional terror and find the depth of my story. I call it pushing against the pain. The pain that makes us crazy is also the pain that can bring us clarity and purpose. I just have to be brave enough to meet it head on.
Some days I have the strength to meet this challenge and some days I run away like a little boy.
I used to be clever enough to dodge my pain but I never did grow in my consciousness. I was, as my wife notes, delusional. I was in denial and hoping my pain would just go away.
I need to address my Pain and meet it with purpose. When I write I allow my pain to push against me and then I start to feel my shoulder pushing back into the body of my pain and this struggle with terror gives life to my art.
2 comments:
Still, therre's a lot to be said for being witty, humorous, and opaque. Maybe that's the other side of the mountain.
you are so right
Post a Comment